Have you ever heard of someone say to you: “I’m your friend because I like you as a person” or some other nonsensical jargon? In order to even “like” someone/something there is a presupposition of values – meaning that there are some minimum requirements in order for you to like someone.
That sentence mentioned earlier is just so far from the reality but I guess some people just do these kind of things unconsciously not even thinking that why they like someone in the first place. Same with other things such as where they are in the hierarchy and serotonin system follows that precisely and makes you feel good if you are doing well and making you feel bad if you are doing worse compared to others. Serotonin system also follows your wins/losses overall and determines the ratio partly because of that.
Anyway, how do we really determine why someone is your friend? Let’s start with basics. So what are values really? With every decision you’ll do a cost/benefit analysis. Like for example do I value my friendship more than consuming porn and so on. Every decision is based on values – it follows that every decision includes cost/benefit analysis. Note: some actions skip prefrontal cortex so those aren’t met with cost/benefit analysis but otherwise everything else is.
So in order to be friends with someone these conditions must be met:
You value some thing(s) in him/her over other thing(s) (for example beauty over intelligence)
Your friend must value some thing(s) in you over other thing(s)
It must be balanced or it won’t be a real friendship (for example similar levels of attractiveness or some sort of trade-off)
So how are you going to figure these things out if the person you are a friend with doesn’t want to tell you it or is just unconscious about it?
I can give a personal example. I have been friends with a woman for over 4 years so I have a lot of conversations/logs with her. Keywords that you should use is that they mention you + words such as admire, like, adore, worship, revere, value, respect, to feel fond of sth.
I started to wonder why this is the case because she is one standard deviation more attractive than me (in terms of physical attractiveness). So i collected all things she said about me for last 4 years that i could logs for. And to ease my job I just gave it all to gpt-4 to give me a summary.
Thank you for providing that context, Noora. After incorporating <name redacted>'s perspective as described in her text, here's an updated list:
Why <name redacted> Likes You (Noora):
Intellectual Stimulation: Your intelligence and innovative thinking provide <name redacted> with engaging, complex conversations that she finds fulfilling.
Unique Approach: She admires your unique approach to situations and problems, which often inspire her to think in ways she hadn't previously considered.
Bravery: She perceives you as brave, particularly in the face of potential criticism or negative reactions. You're not afraid to do things differently or challenge the status quo, which is a trait <name redacted> admires.
Resilience to Criticism: She respects your ability to handle criticism with equanimity, a trait that not only attests to your resilience but also sets an example for her to follow.
Aspirational Influence: <name redacted> admires your endeavors, even those that have led to controversy, such as conducting licensed psychological tests without formal training. She seems to see this as a testament to your ambition and drive.
Potential for Success: <name redacted> recognizes your potential for success, particularly in the field of psychology, based on your dedication and the hard work you've put in.
Why You (Noora) Like <name redacted>:
Physical Attractiveness: You appreciate <name redacted>'s physical beauty, which often plays a significant role in interpersonal attraction.
Confidence: <name redacted>'s high confidence is a quality you admire and find inspiring.
Intelligence: <name redacted>'s intellectual prowess matches your value for cognitive stimulation in your relationships.
Success: You admire <name redacted>'s success, both in her personal life (<reason redacted>) and her upcoming professional achievement (<profession redacted>). This reflects traits you value, such as dedication, ambition, and resilience.
Stability: <name redacted>'s financial stability is appealing to you, providing a sense of security.
Mutual Support: The reciprocal emotional support and intellectual engagement that <name redacted> offers fosters a relationship that is mutually beneficial and rewarding.
As with any analysis of human relationships, this is a general interpretation based on the information you've provided and some principles of evolutionary psychology. Relationships are complex and multifaceted, influenced by a multitude of personal, societal, and cultural factors.
Additionally you could also include things that your friend(s) doesn’t like about you if you wanna do things in order to improve yourself. Keywords for that would be words such as: don’t like, hate, annoy, disturb and things that they make fun of you.
Friendship is a strange and wonderful thing but from what I’ve seen and felt of it it’s often different as we age, you see lots of people considered friends drift in and out of your life as the autumns pass, I think also male friendships are so very different to females, the points of connection and reasons seem somewhat different.
A prime reason for seeking friends and companionship seems to be loneliness and us forgetting to be friends with ourselves for if we were happy alone and in our own company friends may not be as needed or wanted, definitely something to be said about walking a path alone in happiness as well sharing our life stories with friends made old or new.
Indeed, you are quite right. There are tons of sex differences in friendships. I could actually make an article about it sometime in the future.
Females tend to have a few very close friendships where they pretty much share everything and there are tons of hidden rules like the friend can't be too beautiful & the main requirement is that she is very loyal & kind. Dr. Tania Reynolds is a great source of information, Dr. Edward Dutton & Dr Joyce Benenson. Intrasexual competition among women is in my opinion much more interesting than among men.
Males tend to have large networks of people and it is mainly based on competence about how they value each other. Males also tend to make friendships by doing actually something like playing chess etc. Those friendships are mainly built around competition or interests of things.
Friendship is a strange and wonderful thing but from what I’ve seen and felt of it it’s often different as we age, you see lots of people considered friends drift in and out of your life as the autumns pass, I think also male friendships are so very different to females, the points of connection and reasons seem somewhat different.
A prime reason for seeking friends and companionship seems to be loneliness and us forgetting to be friends with ourselves for if we were happy alone and in our own company friends may not be as needed or wanted, definitely something to be said about walking a path alone in happiness as well sharing our life stories with friends made old or new.
Indeed, you are quite right. There are tons of sex differences in friendships. I could actually make an article about it sometime in the future.
Females tend to have a few very close friendships where they pretty much share everything and there are tons of hidden rules like the friend can't be too beautiful & the main requirement is that she is very loyal & kind. Dr. Tania Reynolds is a great source of information, Dr. Edward Dutton & Dr Joyce Benenson. Intrasexual competition among women is in my opinion much more interesting than among men.
Males tend to have large networks of people and it is mainly based on competence about how they value each other. Males also tend to make friendships by doing actually something like playing chess etc. Those friendships are mainly built around competition or interests of things.